The Fourth Estate - Scaling dizzying heights of dumbness and mediocrity

The Media, or the Fourth Estate has taken up a new role nowadays : It earnestly and steadfastly tries to humor and entertain us with its so called half hour soaps called NEWS. Bored of watching the sagas of Tulsi and Kkavyanajali? Bored of The Great Indian Laughter Challenge? Need something to humor you and entertain you? Just head straight for the nearest news channel.

With so much competition and the wild frenzy for setting up news channels nowadays, press reporting has taken on an entirely new dimension. I came across a lot of instances recently where the news anchors were trying to capture my attention by uttering archaic hindi proverbs (which I am sure, came out of some Harivanshrai Bacchan book), drawing absurd and out of the world comparisons(Eg: Sachin Tendulkar and Chocolate...But I shall come to that later), inviting never- before-heard-of "Experts" to discuss Cricket, Hockey, Politics and what not and last but not the least, proudly claiming exclusivity for every minute of video that they transmit.

A few humorous instances:

1) AK's Wedding: Reporters from Channel 7 rush to the venue. Desperate to catch a glimpse of AK and wife. Woman Reporter. In the ensuing melee to somehow force entry into the venue, hustle-bustle happens. Woman Reporter angry. Claims unwarranted assault. Turns video towards herself. Cries about being victim of high-handedness by actors. Earnestly begs us to display sympathy towards her. Even grabs hold of 2 innocent passers-by. Narrates them the story. Tries to brainwash them into admitting on Live TV that AK is as inconsiderate and as inhuman a person as you can find. Soap Opera ends with Woman Reporter dishing out subtle abuses and profanities to AK for being busy marrying his wife and not attending to the reporter.

2) Sachin Tendulkar breaks record for Maximum Centuries: Channel 7 takes the cake again. Claims to be the only news channel to know of the historic achievement. Starts interviewing his childhood buddies and class teachers. Dumb looking reporter on TV starts giving a character sketch of Tendulkar. Tries to earn applause from viewer by using unimaginable similes and metaphors. Egs: Sachin Tendulkar is like Chocolate. (Even God would not comprehend what he meant). Went on to utter a few more lines in so called chaste Hindi which closely resembled the long and verbose prose answers that one writes in the exams. At one point, left with nothing to say and at a loss of words, uses his amazing extempore skills. Utters a string of "Ummm"s and "Ah"s for the next minute. Therafter, convinced that he has passed on invaluable information to viewers, signs off. News Anchor confirms the same by thanking him for such a complete coverage of such a historic achievement. At this point, realizing that they yet have to display the 100th run on TV, do so hurriedly. End of Soap Opera.

3) Man in remote village claims to have foreseen his death : News Channels literally salivating at such an exciting tidbit. Expected mad rush to remote village. Remote village grabs limelight. Reporters start the countdown. Can't wait for man to die. Interview kith and kin of About-to-die man. Ask insightful questions: How do you feel? How does he feel? How does everyone feel? A feeble attempt at questioning the authenticity of the man's claim. Having failed at that, back to other interesting questions. Moment finally arrives. All cameras trained on About-To-Die man. Moment passes. Cameras focused on Should-Have-Died man. Moment long gone by, Cameras focused on Why-hasn't-he-died-yet man. Finally, reporters come to conclusion that they must have been taken for a ride. Switch off cameras and bitch about each other for satisfaction. Task Completed. Reporters and Cameramen lug equipment and head back with a morose look back to studios. Issue quietly suppressed. Soap Opera Ends.


One can witness many such exciting incidents on news channels nowadays. With viewership ratings being the key focus, authentic and unbiased reporting of news has gone for a toss. Reporters know neither head nor tail of what they're speaking. But they know one thing: Viewership is important. And to that end, they shall strive tirelessly. As I very often remark... "Sigh" and "Alas!"


Words from the Wise: #3:

Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner.